Frustrations

A pianist is a person for whom playing piano is more difficult than for other people. (Apologies to Thomas Mann)

Everyone has their own responses to frustration. Personally, I need to vent and get rid of it before I can move forward in a productive manner. Some can take a walk around the block, do 50 push-ups or meditate to release the energy. I’m a person who lets it all out.

If the computer is doing stuff without telling me, I talk back to it. When my arthritis is preventing me from playing what and how I want, I tell it what I think of being held back. That time the bag of flour fell through the bottom of the bag and broke all over the floor and the cabinets, I was not silent. I’ve read that people who let out their frustrations on the actual source have a lower chance of high blood pressure and stroke than those who bottle it up or, heaven forbid, take it out on some innocent person. Fingers crossed.

My husband sometimes thinks that this venting means I am unhappy doing a task and should stop or even get another life. But that isn’t true. I need to battle through it. Whatever I’m doing is more difficult than for other people or at least it sure feels like it. I have a mild form of dyslexia which doesn’t help things at all. 

Parents sometimes want their children to stop lessons because they vent expressively or even occasionally bang on the keys. Like my husband, they feel this is evidence that their child is deeply unhappy in lessons. I try to help them and their child see how to work a little differently so they don’t get frustrated to the boiling point as often. I also try to make sure they are venting at the right things and never exploding at or blaming other people. This __________ is a pain in the neck and I’m really ticked about it, is a healthy statement. I’m never going to be able to play this stupid piece. I’m dumb and I hate piano, are not.

Using a Tomato Timer (Pomodoro technique) can help mitigate frustration. Working in intervals separated by short rest periods, you devote yourself to a task for a specific amount of time only. Then, you move on to something different rather than becoming fixated on one single element and therefore less and less productive. There are apps that can be programed to personalized intervals and assignments can include the number of minutes to work on each item as well as the time to rest between. I had actually written assignments that way for years before I knew it was a bonafide technique with a name and everything. 

I know my frustration level increases when I only have so long to get something done during a busy day. Time is definitely one of my major triggers. I always think I can just sit down and fill out a form, edit a document, add a few measures to a score or clean up the A section of my piece. Then, I get pressured and frustrated when it takes longer than I imagined. I tend to forget to breathe. Also, what happened today when I went to publish this post and found that the entire template and ways of formatting a post had completely changed and I somehow got the post in twice. I definitely forgot to breathe.

Homework, family life, chores, sports, technology and music all create demands that can lead to frustrating time pressure for students and families too. We can help most by being the faithful hands from one of my favorite quotes ever …and by reminding everyone to breathe.

Oh, the comfort—
The inexpressible comfort of feeling
safe with a person,
Having neither to weigh thoughts,
Nor measure words—but pouring them
All right out—just as they are—
Chaff and grain together—
Certain that a faithful hand will
Take and sift them—
Keep what is worth keeping—
and with the breath of kindness
Blow the rest away. (Dinah Maria Mulock Craik)  

            (Dinah Maria Mulock Craik)