piano addict“But what does it mean?,” I asked. I used to ask that a lot when I was little. I remember that time clearly though. My Dad and I were in the car and he was teaching me a silly song. We used to sing songs like Mairzy Doats, A Canner Exceedingly Canny, Old Dan Tucker, John Jacob Jingleheimer Smith, The Little Man Who Wasn’t There at the top of our voices on our drives—with the windows rolled down of course.

Back to that day… We had just finished a song. I don’t remember what it was but I remember asking what it meant and my Dad giving me an explanation which clearly didn’t satisfy me. I must have asked 6 or 7 times. He finally looked at me, sighed, and shook his head. I remember feeling bad because I knew at some level I had spoiled his joy in the silliness and the song itself.

I think that day was the beginning of my awareness that I walked through the world and viewed things differently. Later, I learned that feeling of otherness was because I was an artist. It was my nature to search for meaning in everything.  I remember the absolute joy of unity between myself and my music for the first time. It was a Tuesday and I was learning Schumann’s Arabesque. (Really it was)

Gradually, I learned it was OK to be myself but I sure wasn’t always going to fit in. I also learned to be wary and shield that part of myself around certain people and a lot of teachers. I was a disruptor before it was cool and they gave awards for it. My Mom used to say something like, when you put your head above the crowd, you become a target. I’m female and an artist with a huge sense of the ridiculous. It’s not a choice. It’s not pride. It’s who I am. I used to get very upset about the unfairness of that. It’s not like I set out to distance myself from my peers.

As humans, we are all vulnerable. Part of being an artist is to allow others to share that vulnerability. Our students also walk through and view the world uniquely. How much harder is it for a teen or young adult who is a little person, from poverty, a person of color, or LGBT and an artist to stand straight and allow their head to be above the crowd?

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